I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I came so hard my ears popped.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
