Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
