Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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