Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
