Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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