The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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