Joe is yelling at the trees again.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
