Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
