Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
