that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
