You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
