my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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