Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
