He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
