plz talk dirty to me
how can u be prego again
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
