i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize