So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
