she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
false alarm, still single
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
