your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
