I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
