wrigley field is MILF paradise
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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