Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it was like eating out sand paper
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
