so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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