I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
