dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
