I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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