Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
