I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
