His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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