I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
