She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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