Apparently you make a good broom.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
