i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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