I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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