I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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