worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
