My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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