At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
