I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
don't judge my taste in strippers
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need to calm my uterus...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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