if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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