Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
