I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
