i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
