What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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