Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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