why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
