they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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