Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
