I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
