Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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