Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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