PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
