I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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