We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
