The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
