I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
