i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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