Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
