Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
