Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
