i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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