ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had sex on a roof
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
