Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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