Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
