guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize