Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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