I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize