omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
