fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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