I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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